Have you been feeling all clogged up? Your head won't stop aching and eyes throb? And your ears just won't start bleeding? And your sinuses are filled with delicious vanilla pudding? From the makers of Ipecac, Ex-lax, ExsanguiNightTime, YellowDawn, but not Metamusil, comes a brand new drug, that will pop open every little opening that's keepin' your liquids in:

Oriflush

. Oriflush works by opening your body's orifices! It'll open orifices that you might not know you even have:

• The nostrils, for breathing and the associated sense of smell.
• The eyes, for the sense of sight and crying.
• The mouth, for eating, breathing, and vocalizations such as speech.
• The ear canals, for the sense of hearing.
• The anus, for defecation.
• The urethra, for urination, and, in males, ejaculation.
• In females, the vagina, for sexual intercourse, menstruation and childbirth.
• Orifices of nipples
• Orifices of sweat glands
• Navel or belly button left over from placental mammals after birth.

Oriflush

unlock your body's fluids